Obscurity Knocks

Earnest, empathetic, industrious, unpretentious, gay Virgo in Milwaukee with a great life, amazing friends, and a wonderful family.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

What I said to J-Mo

What I said to J-Mo. Nate will likely say that I'm back to my bridge-burning ways, but I have a responsibility to be true to myself and say what I'm feeling.

Hello John,

Thanks for your message. First, let me say that I think that you’re a great person. You are seriously one of the nicest people that I have ever met in my life. And I would not just say that about anyone. You have such a positive outlook on life and you’re so friendly. It’s been great getting to know you over these past months, and the more I get to know you, the more I realize that you’re a great guy. So those are just some of the reasons why I was hoping that we could date and perhaps have a relationship.

This is probably unfair for me to say without hearing the story that “you’ll have to update me on sometime.” But I’m thinking that you are likely in the closet due to issues with your parents, their expectations for you, and your desire to please them. That’s unfortunate, but it’s your decision to live life in the closet. And you have to make your own decisions. Part of me feels bad for you that you choose to live your life more for your parents than for yourself, but it’s your decision, and you’re almost 36 years old, so you must know what you’re doing. I wish that you could be honest with yourself and with your parents, but again, that’s your decision to make, not mine. Speaking generally, it’s unfortunate in 2007 that someone in his mid-30s would have to live life in the closet because of his parents, but such is life. And I live mine doing what’s best for me, not for my parents.

You haven’t done this, but please don’t try to tell me you’re straight because I won’t believe it. There’s no possible way that you can be straight given all of our conversations, your interests, the fact that you don’t list a sexual orientation on Myspace or Facebook, etc. Plus all of my friends who you met and lots of people at [place where we work] are convinced that you’re gay. Sorry for saying that, because I know that your sexual orientation is really none of my business. But I’m feeling a bit disappointed right now and am defending myself – Miranda style.

I don’t mean for this to sound bad or negative, but it’s your loss that you are unwilling to have a romantic relationship with me (or anyone else for that matter). I think that I have a lot to offer in a relationship, and I believe that we could make a great couple.

Those things said, I want you to know that I respect your honesty and the fact that you are going to live your life the way that you want to live it. It’s certainly not what would work for me, but everyone has to find their own way.

Sure, we can be friends. I don’t know if you’ll be willing to do that after reading this message and knowing how I feel, but I feel a strong responsibility to myself to be upfront and honest, even if the message I’m delivering is not fun for you to hear.



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